Interviews

When Love Ends: Do Women Prevail?

By Marcos Bernal-Salas

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Ex-Files – Women’s Tales of Love, Litigation and Liberty is a smart look into what goes on in a relationship – in this case a marriage – when it begins and all of the sudden dissipates. I often hear relationships are hard and that for any marriage to be successful it takes more than compromise. Whether or not this is truth, in her first novel, Ellen Feig sheds light into the many different aspects of what goes on in a marriage and what happens when divorce is an inevitable outcome.

The Ex-Files presents stories of women that come from different background and upbringing, many of them with career paths and hopes and all with something in common; finding love and thinking that it might last forever. These are not fairy tale stories; the women and their stories reveal a much realistic world where emotional, financial and even social compromise affect their relationships and even cause their demise.

It is that uninhibited and genuine voice that makes The Ex-Files a page turner from begging to end. The stories are group in different chapters to reflect the face of a relationship from the early stages (Blind to the Signs) to the nitty-gritty divorce aspects (Separation and Liberation) – which ultimately becomes the ugliest and perhaps most hurtful aspect of a marriage.

For Ellen the reason to write such a compelling novel might seem very simple. After four years of marriage Ellen experienced the emotional roller-coaster of separation and divorce; “I went through a very difficult divorce but there had been signs for some time that my marriage was over. I simply refused to acknowledge those signs because I wanted to be married, be in a relationship. I think that everyone I spoke to have the same beliefs, the same ability to deny the existence of clear warning bells – infidelity, irresponsibility, inability to commit”.

And like many of her subjects in The Ex-files she wasn’t able to predict the ugly outcome and even the painful experience that a failing marriage entails. The Ex-Files is not a cry-for-help but an optimistic look into women who were able to live through the experience; “[Although] we came from different backgrounds, religions, economically and socially yet we all had very similar experiences with those we fell in love with. Overall it became clear that love can create a certain blind sightedness that can later bring pain and hurt but hey we need to love”.

Ultimately the process of compiling the stories for The Ex-Files became easier as Ellen found through her friends and other friends women who like her were ready and wanted to talk about their experiences. All with the same idea in mind to help other women understand divorce and help them through their pain in order to emerge stronger than before; able to believe in love once again. “I learned that divorce can only serve to make you stronger, make you better. I also found that to a certain degree I shut myself off from finding love again (due to fear) and that it was time to be open, to allow myself to experience emotions should they come my way. I still am incredibly gun shy and have not dated in a long time but I am slowly coming around to the thought of doing so. For me my experience ultimately was the one I needed to go through.”

The Ex-Files – Women’s Tales of Love, Litigation, and Liberty is a novel for everyone – men and women – who would like to understand human relationships; marriage in particular. It might even help open minds – or even eyes – as Ellen said for those who might be blind sighted because of love. After all love is a great thing but love for oneself is better.